Monday, June 07, 2004

Okay, since I work for a dedicated Scientologist I receive roughly 8 billion pieces of Church of Scientology propaganda each week, so as a treat for y'all, I'll be occasionally posting choice quotes from what shows up in ye olde mailbox.

Today, we've got a passage from "The Criminal College" by ye olde money-grubber, L. Ron Hubbard, describing a young hoodlum facing the bench for a small-time crime:

Society does not want him. He was right!

In a most lofty fashion, a judge on a bench, wondering what his wife will have for dinner, has completed the metamorphosis of the youth's ideals.

He is a rpe freshman for the Crime College. No professor of hooeyology was ever confronted with such an ardent student.

This passage was included for the term "hooeyology." Goddamn. The man had a way with words, no?

The essay "The Criminal College" was included with a letter requesting $40 to help get one of 1000 inmates at Corcoran State Prison in Cali into (and one supposes, through) the Criminon program and, in the words of "W.N" (an inmate graduate of the program, I have to guess), "With time and practice I will become stonger and survive, flourish and prosper as a decent individual conscious of a better me, hopeful of happiness." Also, I find it odd that the mailing lacks any actual details about what the fuck the Criminon program does to turn criminals into happy, well adjusted people. I guess if you're a Scientologist you just know, and if you're not, you're just a fucking moron who's gonna work for the Scientologists as a cabin boy for the next billion years.

And, y'know, helping career criminals start being something else is something I can totally get behind, but LRH wrote with great intensity about "infiltrating" damn near every organization on the planet, and the Scientologists have already been kicked out of public schools on the West Coast (although I've got to imagine that Clearwater, FL, Ground Zero for the American Scientologist movement, is fulla kids who know Dianetics better than geometry), so I'd worry about the ulterior motives here. Seriously, do the Scientologists really need an army of ex-cons desperate for the $250,000 or so they'll require to "get up the Bridge"? For real, man. I don't want to meet up with a felon with multiple assaults on his record looking for the $1500 he needs for his Purif...

Right. Enough cult bashing for the evening. Y'all have some fun, and I'll talk to you soon.

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