Monday, May 31, 2004

Hey, y'all. The new bike:

The rear cartridge, anyway. Diamondback Topanga, 20" frame (I keep thinking that a 21" makes more sense, but the Young disagrees, and, well, shit, I've got no good reason to argue with him 'bout bikes). I should have it in my hot little hands by the end of the week, at which point I'll post some more complete pics. It's a very cool ride.

Also, me n' Buttons just watched the second season of The Office, and I've gotta say, MOTHERFUCKER. I am so very seriously angry & sad. Why did they have to fuck over Tim? Huh, huh? Seriously, just pissing me off. Hope there is, despite what I've been told, a third season. Have to go look.

Just read that back, realize that I'm showing more emotion about a fucking video than I am about some current real life shit involving real life friends. All right, need to go smoke and write and feel like a piece of crap.

Talk to you soon.

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Saturday, May 29, 2004

Saw this in an alley, walking home from work. Big, heavy-duty electrical cables swinging in the wind and rain, connected from pipe to pipe.

Dunno why it struck me as so weird, even looking at it now, but I spent 10 minutes cropping and sharpening the fucking thing in Photoshop, so here it is.


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New haircut. Figured I'd share.

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Thursday, May 27, 2004

Hey y'all. Sorry, not much of an update tonight. Have been on the deck for the last couple of hours, watching the rain fall, listening to The Royal Tenenbaums soundtrack and writing my little head off. Things are moving in my head again, which is good. Exposition is accelerating. There is a story that is becoming more than a straight line, and is becoming a pleasant tangle of arc, ellipses & tangents. And the occasional u-turn.

And, really, that just makes me smile. Page 54, motherfuckers. 16,000 words and counting.

A couple of items of note, however. Received BROOKLYNTOWNE cds from my boy the Chin the other day, and they look pretty fucking kickass. Nice going, Jen Screamer. And nice going, fellas. It's a fine, fine piece of music. Anybody who's interested in picking one up from me ($10 ppd), drop an email or going clicky on The Deacons link to your left to contact Screaming Al for one. Or just keep an eye out in your local Jet City, Brooklyn, Manhattan, Brass City or general Tri-State area indie record store.

Right. I'm for outs. Many good & bad things happened in the world today. I'd suggest checking out the Times, boingboing & FARK. You won't get the whole picture, but you'll get the idea.

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Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Really, Wednesday shouldn't look like this:

Right. Out for smoking & a bit of writing. Back, perhaps, later.

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Monday, May 24, 2004


"There are five steps in our plan to help Iraq achieve democracy and freedom," Mr Bush said. "We will hand over authority to a sovereign Iraqi government, help establish security, continue rebuilding Iraq's infrastructure, encourage more international support and move toward a national election that will bring forward new leaders empowered by the Iraqi people."

Jr, just to give you a heads-up; just SAYING what you'd LIKE to have happen doesn't mean that you have a PLAN.

And somehow, half of us are still looking to elect the fucker.

Wonder how long it'll be before it's illegal to call the fucker a fucker.

Any opinion?

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Sunday, May 23, 2004

This is kind of fun:

Anyone who thinks George Bush is an anti christ is a %)#(@@!!!! idiot. He hasn't done 1 bad thing for the country and the only people who think that are retards who watch CNN and FOX News and think they know everything because of the latest popularity polls. The economy is the highest it has been in 30 years, more people own homes and cars, and more people have jobs go look it up. Not only that the war is completely necessary.

I've never heard anybody deride FOX news as being anti-Jr. The flame war that follows this post is worth the perusal, if only for the physical threats and incredibly poor grammar.

Always some good times on the web, no?

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Daniel 7:7

"After that, in my vision at night I looked, and there before me was a fourth beast-terrifying and frightening and very powerful. It had large iron teeth; it crushed and devoured its victims and trampled underfoot whatever was left. It was different from all the former beasts, and it had ten horns.

Hmmm. Dunno what that means, but I've got to imagine that Daniel didn't get a whole lotta peaceful sleep. Still chasing down this antichrist thing, but most of it seems to be coming back to screaming fundies or really, REALLY dry scholarly dissertation. Anybody know of any sites out there with this stuff in engaging language that dropouts like me can dig?

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Banging around, trying to find some info on the Antichrist, and I find this description of some of the expected criteria for the AC:

The most common interpretations continue to be that the antichrist will be some sort of high-ranking political leader, who will be initially do very good, popular things, which will win him many followers. In the end, however he is supposed to get increasingly totalitarian and elicit more and more sacrifices from his followers until eventually his evil ways become known, and the era of "trials and tribulations" begin.

Sound like anyone you may have voted against?

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*Sigh* And the Bush administration's march towards 1984 continues unabated:

Mobile phones fitted with digital cameras have been banned in US army installations in Iraq on orders from Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Britain's The Business newspaper reported yeterday.

Quoting a Pentagon source, the paper said the US Defence Department believes that some of the damning photos of US soldiers abusing Iraqis at Abu Ghraib prison near Baghdad were taken with camera phones.

"Digital cameras, camcorders and cellphones with cameras have been prohibited in military compounds in Iraq," it said, adding that a "total ban throughout the US military" is in the works.

Because, y'know, they're American soldiers, so they shouldn't have a chance to say anything that might be embarrasing to the US Armed Forces, right?

Rumsfeld is a wanker.

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This is very, very cool, along the lines of Kowloon Walled City (which, to view, you can make with the clickey on the link to your left):

Gunkanjima, off the western coast of Japan, less than a mile long, built up for the coal mines found there, home, eventually, to 5300 (which, according to this site, makes it the most densely populated joint ever) & then abandoned once the mines were played out. Very spooky images, and well worth a look. If you go to the main menu, there's a gallery of shots from 1974, when the island was active & populated. I highly suggest this one (link grabbed from boingboing; thanks, y'all).

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Friday, May 21, 2004

Nothing, really. Just keeping up the streak more than anything else. The Gov. of Massachusetts is going out of his pointy little mind trying to fuck up any of the same-sex marriages the Mass. Supreme Court made legal that he can and in Iraq a bunch of shit & a bunch of people got blown to smithereens and some more evidence that the military was perfectly of what was going on in Iraqi prisons to Iraqi prisoners came to light and Newsweek dropped out a report that makes it sound like the Bush administration not only tacitly approves of such mistreatment, it was planning on mistreating POW's as far back as a couple of years ago.

And this Andy Kaufman thing; is that bullshit or what?

Talk to you tomorrow, y'all. I'll try to take some more pics.

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Thursday, May 20, 2004

15 Anomalies Surrounding The Death Of Nick Berg

Just putting it up here to keep myself mindful of it. 'Twixt shit like this and the "missle pod" on the 9/11 plane, I'm starting to think that maybe I can't trust what the government's telling me. But that couldn't be right, could it?

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Heya kids. Slow day...Oh, wait-

Hey everyone. Greetings from planet earth.

Sorry about faking my death. I always knew my biggest supporters would play along until it was the right time for me to return. Yesterday, being the 20th anniversary, was a long enough time to go away. No one has ever gone away that long before. I've been documenting my adventures for the last twenty years in journals and will be posting some of the best stories from here. Mostly though, I've just been practicing transcendental meditation throughout various parts of the world while working odd jobs and keeping a low profile.

Uh, Andy Kaufman says that he's back.


Well, that's a pretty good joke, I s'pose.


Oh, yeah, passed a BMW Z4 on the Ave. tonight whilst riding my bike. A combination of crazy downhill momentum and a guy rolling slow, looking for chicks. No helmet, gloves, headlights or nothin'. Very hardcore. Buttons & Joe would've had an embolism at the sight of it. And then when I got home I realized that I busted ANOTHER fucking spoke on the back wheel, which means no riding tomorrow and a trip to Bikesport at some point this weekend to wheedle the Young into fixing just one more thing I've busted on his bike. S'just sad, really. One of these days, I'll be able to buy my own bike. With God as my witness, I will buy a friggin' bike, and I won't feel like such an asshole when I break it. An ass, perhaps, but not an asshole.

That's about it. Billyhank needs a shower and a smoke and some sleep. Sleep well, y'all, and have yerself some fun.

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Tuesday, May 18, 2004

It was an e-mail we weren't meant to see. Not for our eyes were the notes that showed White House staffers taking two-hour meetings with Christian fundamentalists, where they passed off bogus social science on gay marriage as if it were holy writ and issued fiery warnings that "the Presidents [sic] Administration and current Government is engaged in cultural, economical, and social struggle on every level"—this to a group whose representative in Israel believed herself to have been attacked by witchcraft unleashed by proximity to a volume of Harry Potter. Most of all, apparently, we're not supposed to know the National Security Council's top Middle East aide consults with apocalyptic Christians eager to ensure American policy on Israel conforms with their sectarian doomsday scenarios.

Just posting this to remind myself to go read the damn thing when I'm sober and then postulate any number of brilliant theories about Jr. from it.

Oddly enough, this dovetails with an epiphany I had on the man today, which is making me wonder if the Divine Hand is guiding the web tonight. Which, actually, would dovetail with the thing that I'm writing that I haven't shared with y'all yet. I've asked The Father for some input, so when he gets back to me, I'll be able to add his actual brilliance to my bullshit brilliance and create a masterwork that just might change the very face of morality, religion and the potential end of the world.

Really, you should probably stay tuned, if only for an early heads-up on what's going down with the universe.

Btw, MikE!, thanks for kind words in comments. You are the very finest rhythm brother a mediocre bass player could've ever asked for.

Everybody, understand that MikE! kicks ass...

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Bad bus poetry, part dos:

Sometimes the bad poetry is long-winded & authorized by the Metro, sometimes it's illegal and concise and scratched into the paint on an ancient electric eastbound 44, but no matter what, it's camera-worthy.

Y'all, if you don't have one of these cameraphone things, I HIGHLY suggest you pick one up. Great, great gobs of fun.

All right, I'm kinda drunk (many beers @ Madame K's) and tired of fixing typos in this post, so I'm for outs. I will, however, leave you a shot of the longest walk a drunk boy can take, the aisle down which you pinball when tipsy and changing buses in the U District...

Have fun at work, kidlins. Unca Billyhank misses you all.

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Monday, May 17, 2004

Heya kids-

Not much to say tonight. There's a six-pack of Hefeweizen and there's homemade snickerdoodles, so I'm pretty much out of the picture for the evening. There's a really good article on Dennis Kucinich in The NY Times, which I suggest you read, and I also suggest that you hold judgement on the "sarin" gas that came out of that roadside artillery shell in Iraq. It happened a couple of days ago, apparently, and the military hasn't turned it into a massive press release, so I think we can guess that any nerve gas inside is more the product of overactive imaginations than Saddam's vast secret underground WMD labs.

Also, hadda ride in the rain for the first time today, as I misjudged the weather as I left work. Not as bad as I thought it would be, except that I kept getting raindrops flying in behind my glasses. Can anybody out there explain that one?

All right, have a nice Tuesday, and I'll see you sometime whenever.

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Sunday, May 16, 2004


When you car too old to fix it, you are buying a new car. Would it be wonderful if you will be able to change you human body as easy as you can change a car. Let say that your identity is a driver, and your body is a car. Moving your identity into a new, younger human body will make you young again! Brain Transplantation made it possible. We can preserve your identity by moving you brain into new body. See what we can do for you...

Yup, honest-to-God brain transplantation into a young, healthy, attractive body of your own choosing. All for the bargain price of $499,000.00. There was a 10% on new accounts (would they really have a lot of customers coming in for repeat business?), but that expired in 2001.

Yeah, you might want to check this one out. Probably the oddest thing you'll bump across on the web today.

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Found, repeatedly, on the doors of the Neptune Theater today during the University Ave. fair (or whatever the hell it's called):

Just kinda made me laugh...

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Bad bus poetry:

These poems are on most of the buses, on the overhead rack which is more commonly used as a billboard and while I commend the Seattle Metro folk for trying to enlighten us and make our days bright, could we PLEASE dispense with the sappy shit? Seriously, we here in Jet City have the highest suicide rate in the nation; I think we've earned something slightly darker & meatier.

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Just found this one:

...which, apparently, what they're calling a "Fight Club" at Stanford. From what I can glean from the pics in the directory, it mostly involves one guy getting tackled by three girls and the four of them rolling around for the entertainment of a kinda bored-looking crowd.


Tyler would be so proud.

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This place is starting to turn into a newsdump again, but I just keeping finding this shit out there. This idiocy is via FARK:

NEW YORK — American athletes have been warned not to wave the U.S. flag during their medal celebrations at this summer's Olympic Games in Athens, for fear of provoking crowd hostility and harming the country's already-battered public image.

The spectacle of victorious athletes grabbing a national flag and parading it around the stadium is a familiar part of international sporting competition, but U.S. Olympic officials have ordered their 550-strong team to exercise restraint and avoid any jingoistic behavior

Dude, FER FUCK'S SAKE. Do we need anymore proof that we've done wrong? I'm all for rooting for the underdog, taking the unpopular choice, forging your own path, but at some point you have to admit that YOU'VE FUCKED UP.

That is all, hang your head in shame and resume your Sunday.

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This, much like an earlier post below, is very, very kickass, and you will laugh like a goddamned fool, plus the dude's Jet City local:

I'm very very interested for this item and I'm ready to pay you the best price $2100+ overnight or 2 days shipping charges (UPS DHL FEDEX OR FEDEX OR PARCEL FORCE) if we will use an escrow service to handle this transaction.As for the escrow service , I am already registered with www.set-ltd.net and my uzername is the same with my email address.I will pay the express shipping and also , the escrow fee . The escrow service will release you the money as soon as I will let them know that the item passed the inspection and is 100% ok.
The escrow fee is on my charge , don't worry .Please let me know if my offer is good enough for you . If it does , I will initiate the transaction with the escrow service as soon as I will have your confirmation.If is ok please register in order to make the deal and start the payment procedures.Hope that everything will be ok and close the deal in the best conditions.
Kind regards !

Ok. I watch King 5 news. I’ve seen this on CNN. Welcome to your textbook eBay scam. At first, I was just going to reply with a 72pt font FUCK OFF, or perhaps a disgusting picture, but I decided to see what the upstanding members of the forums thought. And of course, right away, it is all picked apart. . .

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Saturday, May 15, 2004


Punjab Police have decided to crack down on eunuchs after shocking reports that genitals of men were being cut off to turn them into eunuchs.

State police chief A.A. Siddiqui said Friday that brutal and inhuman incidents to turn men into eunuchs by chopping off their genitals and then selling them for begging have come to the notice of the authorities.

Two such incidents were reported in Punjab's Nawanshahr and Jalandhar districts and one in Haryana's Hisar area, Siddiqui said, noting that many incidents might have gone unreported.

The police chief said he had ordered a screening of all eunuch groups in Punjab to detect cases of forced conversion of men into eunuchs by employing this gruesome and fatal method.

Seriously, I think it's time we began to disassociate ourselves with India. Between the flap over outsourcing, the potential of serious war with Pakistan, and now this, I think, really, we should just be done with the place.

Show of hands, please.

Okay, still running late for practice, so I'm out.


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This, my friends, is kickass...

May 14, 2004 — The front-runner in a $10-million race to send the first private crewed vehicle into space Thursday made a test flight that took a solo pilot near the edge of space.

Aspiring astronaut Mike Melvill piloted the SpaceShipOne rocket plane, designed by legendary aircraft designer Burt Rutan, to nearly 41 miles above the planet's surface, nine miles shy of NASA's official designation of space and 21 miles short of the finish line for the X-Prize.

Y'know, if a tool like Paul Allen wasn't involved (he's part owner of the company), this would be just about perfect. As it is, I may have to overlook some of Mr. Allen's attempts to gentrify South Lake Union, as between this, the Sci-Fi museum, and the rebuilding of the Cinerama, the man's done some pretty cool shit for the city and for nerd-kind in general.

Then again, Zach's housemate, Dave (who was a Microserf for a year or so), explained to me in great detail last night how Microsoft deliberately pits its employees against each other (i.e. Project Managers vs. Testing Leads), offering both sides bonuses, but for completely opposed things.

With the Project Manager/Testing Lead situation, they'll offer a stepped bonus to the Project Manager against his targeted completion date, so that if he hits the target date he gets a particular bonus, if he hits it a week early, he gets a bigger bonus, etc. Then they'll offer the Testing Lead on the same project a stepped bonus against how many bugs he finds. So, he finds a thousand bugs, a small bonus; five thousand bugs, a bigger bonus; etc. So you've got two guys butting heads over the project, one guy who just wants to get it to market, no matter what kind of shape it's in (which, I think, helps to explain MS's infamous quality history), and one guy who wants to hold it back and dig through every keystroke in the kernel, finding problems (which explains why the fucking product never ships on time), and between those two things you've got a shitty, late project that everybody buys 'cause MS has, essentially, a monopoly on software. "The worst choice in a one-product market," to paraphrase Dave. Everybody buys it 'cause A.) every PC on the market, pretty much, comes with it loaded & B.) very few people realize there's ANY other choice and C.) the only other choice, really, is Linux, which, again, most people don't understand and/or know about. Then again, I'm running a stolen version of 98 on my laptop (grabbed the disks from work, not Warez) and don't have a fast enough connection to get Linus, so I'm not really one to talk, right?

All right, y'all, I've gotta get ready for practice, but I'll try to check in tonight. We're supposed to be going to Madame K's, and that's always a fun deal.

Over and-

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Friday, May 14, 2004

Score one for the good guys...

BOSTON -- The U.S. Supreme Court refused Friday to block the nation's first state-sanctioned gay marriages from taking place next week, in Massachusetts.

The justices declined without comment to intervene and block clerks from issuing marriage licenses to gay couples in the state, whose highest court had ruled in November that the state Constitution allows gay couples to marry, and declared that the process would begin on Monday.

...and like a friggin' trillion for the bad guys...

A southwestern Wisconsin man is fighting a civil citation for bringing a sign that read "F U G W" with him as he watched President Bush pass through Platteville last week.

Andrea Baker, an attorney for Frank Van den Bosch of Montfort, argued in a motion filed Monday in Grant County Circuit Court that Van den Bosch's sign is clearly protected under the First Amendment right to free speech.

"It's just a creeping theocratic fascism that's moving into the land here, where dissent is unpatriotic," said Van den Bosch, 53, a member of the Southwest Peace Fellowship, a social issues group.

...Police told him he couldn't display the sign. Van den Bosch then changed the sign to say "Free Us G W" and added "End the Occupation" on the back, referring to the war in Iraq.

A few minutes later, another police officer came over and ordered Van den Bosch to surrender the sign. Van den Bosch rolled up his sign and moved to the back of the crowd. He held it up as Bush went by.

Police then handcuffed him and took him to the police station, where he was photographed, fingerprinted, cited $243 for disorderly conduct and released. Van den Bosch said he hasn't paid the fine.

..."We had to take some action," Schmid said. "If we were wrong, then the citation will be voided and taken care of that way. That's the way the system is supposed to work."

Uh-huh. Just so long as you have a chance to stomp all over some guy and try to get him to piss himself when he's locked in a cop car with a couple of "real patriots" up front telling him what a piece of shit he is. Good for you, Mr. Van den Bosch. I can't imagine that it's easy to be anti-Bush anywhere in the midwest. kinda surprised some "real American" paper mill worker or cheese factory guy didn't clean his clock for him.

Bah. We need a revolt, y'all. I'm tired of this shit. Who's up for a little fire in the streets?

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Hey there, children-

Friday night and Billyhank has just strolled in the door. Over @ Zach's, doing a bit of jamming, some consumption of Thai food (found a place with ridiculously good Pud Thai), some beer, etc. Rode bikes over there and hadda climb up 8th & 15th avenues which are nothing but great big long endless fucking hills. Consult your nearest & dearest Jet City local for verification of this fact. Admittedly, they're not the Counterbalance (which is damn near 90 degrees straight up), but, hey, I'm a big fat guy on a bike. Hills suck ass (Btw, MikE!, remember my statement regarding fat guys jogging? Yeah, same goes for fat guys riding bikes, including yr. humble narrator).

For some reason, the Speed Channel is showing Quadrophenia, which makes no actual sense to me. Not that I'm complaining, but it's just weird.

Oh, yeah, got my cameraphone, so here're a few shots for your enlightenment & edification:

Zach, on the porch of his place in Ballard, after a few (don't tell him that he looks like a girl, all right? It's the camera. In real life he's just as scary as all get out)

And this was riding the bus home tonight, with a trillion U of W kids upfront babbling about money they owed each other and just how much fun they had on the Ave. tonight (although, I have to wonder why the fuck they were headed home @ 9:45 on a Friday night if they were having such a blast).

And, of course, your Lord & Master...

...the mighty & everlasting Billyhank.

Waiting, as usual, for the damned bus.

All right, that's about it. I'm for outs. Have a swell Saturday, kiddos, and I'll talk at you soon.

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Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Heya kids. Sorry about the lack of updates the last few days. Work's been a bit of a bitch and my head is fairly dull by the time I make it home. Novel's been slacking as well. I think I need to get on a roadtrip sometime soon. Fast highway driving always seems to help these moods.

Oh, and the other thing that helps is the Cowboy Bebop Soundtrack. Man, that shit just kicks ass. Tricky fast jazz, clever arrangements...shit, one of the songs has a goddamned TUBA solo. Can't beat those nutty Japanese for, well, nuttiness. Not the anime guys, anyway. The business dudes, sure, I'd say your average Amero-European could beat a Japanese biz guy down for nuttiness in the spur of just about any kinda moment, up to and including the funerals of cherished loved ones. But not the anime guys. I don't think a one of you, out there, in the world, could throw a nuttiness beatdown on a Japanese anime guy. Unless you happen to BE a Japanese anime guy, in which case, you'd have to, shit, uh, out-nutty yourself. Which, being a Japanese anime guy, you probably could.


Oh, yeah, Kerry announced today that his first choice for Secretary of Defense is John McCain. And that, my friends, is one of the better things I've heard associated with this abortion of an election.

All right, I'm for outs. Oh, yeah, Billyhank gets his new cameraphone tomorrow, so if anybody's got any pic requests, lemme know and I'll post 'em up here.

Sleep well, children. Unca Billyhank's heading for cigarettes & sweet dreams. Have a pleasant day, and try not to throw any beatdowns that aren't all about being nutty.

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Sunday, May 09, 2004

BTW, coming up on a year for this thing. Hmmmm...

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No real reason. Just miss the profane little fucker, s'all.

All right, there're dishes to be done, and Buttons is down for the count. Get yer asses back to work.

Hey there and a happy Sunday to ye. Found these (thanks to a reminder from William Gibson) on a site dedicated to Joseph Cornell's boxes. Posted them 'cause A.) They're just damned fucking cool & B.) These two happen to have marbles in 'em. Don't tell me I don't love you, Chin.

This'n has what appears to be a small bottle of Chinas on the bottom row, and:

...which has Catseyes in each cup. Click on the pics for big'uns, and have a lovely monday, children. Unca Billyhank wishes you sweet dreams.

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Saturday, May 08, 2004

Mark Miller had slept three hours in his parked car after a long night at an anime festival in a downtown hotel.

Then, the call. A number and a voice he didn't know.

"Hey Mark, we're at your dorm," the voice said. "We want to talk with you."

"Who are you?" asked Miller, a physics freshman.

"Law enforcement."

Two men met him in the hotel lobby and flashed badges: FBI. Secret Service. The questions began.

"Do you belong to any student activist organizations?"

"Have you ever thought of joining any student activist organizations, like UT Watch?"

He wasn't an activist. Nor a suspect or the messenger of a bomb threat, for that matter.

What interested the agents, from Austin's Joint Terrorism Task Force, was an open records request he filed with UT administrators for information about the underground campus tunnel system.

Meaning that citizens with no criminal background and no obvious ties to anything are being interrogated for attempts to get information using the Freedom Of Information Act, which is as blatant an attempt to intimidate the populace into shutting up and doing as they're told as I've yet heard.

Look, if you're a cop and somebody's poking around, asking questions that are raising red flags in your head, that's one thing (and, if you're a cop, EVERYTHING that EVERYBODY does is raising a red flag in your head; that's why you're a cop, right?), and you maybe start your investigation, look around a little bit, ask some basic questions. That's...well, that's not cool, but it's your job. But to show up in the middle of the night and put the hard press on some kid to prove, I guess, how big your balls are and just how easy it is for you to fuck with civilians is just a bullshit, bully move.

Hey, here's a clue to all the cops who're checking me out: We hate you for trying to scare us. And when people hate, they react, and they react badly. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that every American is capable of doing something evil on home soil. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that you're the only people who have the power to make things right. You only have the power to do as we tell you, 'cause if you don't we'll push back, and when we push back, you and your bullying bullshit gets thrown out into the cold to fester & die. We care just as much about this country as you do, guy. Maybe more. We're just capable of seeing beyond our own crap.


Okay, well, think about it. I'm sure it'll make sense eventually. Get a non-cop that you trust to explain it to you. If you can find one.

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HARTFORD, Conn. -- Another alleged tale of corporate greed is scheduled to unfold in federal court next week when leaders of Cendant Corp. go on trial on charges they committed a massive accounting fraud that cost shareholders billions.

Cendant's former chairman, Walter Forbes and former vice chairman, E. Kirk Shelton, are accused of inflating revenue by $500 million at Cendant's predecessor, CUC International, to drive up the stock price.

The fraud was reported in 1998, causing CUC's market value to drop by $14 billion in one day.

Posting this one just 'cause my brother-in-law works for Cendant & the company that Buttons & Pal A used to work for dealt with them a lot. So, it's strictly personal and not all that startlingly interesting, except that one company lost, in one day, value probably greater than the GNP of any number of small- & medium-sized third world countries. Untangle that one and then nod your head in sagelike consent.

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So, yeah, it's a beautiful Saturday morning here in Jet City, the coffee is fresh, the air is sweet and I find this on the CBC website:


Very. I mean I'm right up front saying that I want to become HIV positive; I want to convert. And the way we meet normally of course is through the Internet on the clubs that are specifically for that.


There are gift givers and bug chasers.


A gift giver is the one that is HIV and the bug chaser, like I am, is going after the gift.


The gift. Being... getting what it takes to be positive.


Umm hmm, getting HIV, giving the same and-or giving the blood. There are sites on the web just for blood donor types who want to pass along HIV through blood.

Yeah, this is sad. And part of the sadness is that the guy seems to be having a problem getting infected. Anybody else heard of this kinda shit? I mean, is this one of these cultural underground things that I just kind of missed, but that everybody else has known about, like felching & mooping & things like that?

Interesting way to wake up, at any rate.

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Thursday, May 06, 2004

I posted to the Beastie Boys forum the other day under the header, What the fuck are those little assholes thinking? (yeah, eloquent as all fucking hell, no?) and while most of the responses were "suck my cock, faggot" flamewar-igniters, there was this one that's just cracking me up. I kinda both hate & love how the net kids are essentially rewiring the English language. Ch-check it out:

man ive been listin to b boys since day one and thats all that matters i could care less if they were gay black asain what ever or if they sold there songs to movies crap man just listin to the stuff thats what matters ..do you like it ...well do you if you do good if you dont thats fine to who cares what the hell they do with it its theres i my self think its some of the best stuff they have ever done i love it ive listen to about 50 times and its still fresh ..i think its a hit ....i love it its the stinky bomb

Personally, I had to read it a couple-three times to make sense. Since when is "the stinky bomb" something good?

Gotta get hip, one 'o these days.

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Pal A amended the lower post by pointing out that to bring out the true badness of the Bruce Willis/ventriloquist dummy cop story, the voice of the dummy couldn't be Danny Glover, but would have to be someone else acting like Danny Glover (she suggested Cosby).

You see, friends, this is how a bad idea reaches truly hideous proportions: Teamwork.

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Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Also, just got this in from Gracia's pal Chris:

I have a bad idea for you: A cop (Bruce Willis) loses his partner in a pitched gun battle, and cracks up. He replaces him with... a ventriloquist's dummy.

The best part is that the dummy is voiced by Danny Glover, and constantly says stuff like: "I'm gettin' too old for this shit!."

S'a good'n, and shall most definately make it into the book. Thanks, man.

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Don't usually post from work, but I'm in the midst of an astoundingly good GQ article about Colin Powell. I'd suggest you make with the clickey and go read. The thrust is, essentially, that the S of S is getting ready to hang up his spurs, that he's been turned from a smart and capable man to just another lackey to Jr., and the writer's sucking Powell's ass like mad, but it's still a damned fucking fine article. Go, read, now.

Almost making me respect the man again.

Almost. Very nearly. Just about.

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Monday, May 03, 2004

So, yeah, epiphany day, waiting for the bus. In this weird fucking mellow mood, just strolling down the street, headphones, Oi!, sunlight and smiling and it hits me that there's more, y'know? More than the fucking job, more than the money bullshit, more than worrying about friendships and relationships, more than worrying about my guy or thinning hair. There's more, goddammit, and I could just about touch it today, put my fingertips right to it, stroke it, caress, pull it close, hold it tight. Almost.

Btw, the Beastie Boys are debuting (or maybe already have; dates were nebulous) their new shit on the goddamned motherfucking FOX t&a fest, The OC. Lousy little bitches have completely and fantastically sold out. Don't even think about supporting 'em. Piss on their shit that you already own. Wipe 'em from your memory. Soulless dickheads.

My whole epiphany is shot now. Assholes.


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The novel thing had a bit of a breakthrough tonight and somebody important died. I think. Somebody who's important maybe died. That's what I'm saying. Riding on the bus, listening to some Oi! comp, realized that somebody died, and realized why and how and why it was important that they die and why it was the thing that was going to move shit along from the static to the fluid.

I think.

Just feeling happy about shit moving along. Stay happy, kiddos.

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Sunday, May 02, 2004

Oh, bad story idea, just posting to remind myself. Steven Seagal, called in to investigate a murder on the international space station (he's, I dunno, top Miami investigative guy, gets called up to the Cape). Bad, automatically, because of SS's inclusion and primary role, but also bad because there would be a reason to have him A.) wearing a cheesy black suit on the ISS and B.) tens of millions of dollars worth of CGI technology devoted to making it look like his weird little pansy-ass ponytail is floating in zero-G.

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Good fuck, is it Sunday already? Jesus Christ, the days have gone all turbo on me.

Anyway, I have roadrashed the living shit out of my left elbow & knee, the result of going riding with Joe Young on friday night. The bike I've been riding since I got here is Joe's old full-suspension Diamondback. Not the toughest thing out there (certainly not as tough as his current ride, which he put together specifically to go leaping off of anything leapable he might find in town or country), but enough for some simple bouncing around. Or, at least, enough for some simple bouncing around when the owner is around to say, "Yeah, go ahead and try to bunny hop up that curb and then go jump down those stairs." Which, yeah, I did. And I have to admit that there was a fair amount of flying-headfirst-over-the-handlebars-,-screaming going on, but, hey, chicks dig scars, right?

So, anyway, yeah, the upshot of that is that the Young has me half convinced to take that money I was going to put towards a commuter bike and spend it, instead, on kinda the scootiepuff Jr. version of a jumping-off-shit bike (around $450, SPT bike, good frame but a short-travel front fork, rim brakes & a wheelset that I'd probably turn from rounds into ovals in pretty short order) and working out a deal with him for the road bike that he's been putting together which has too large a frame for the Young, but would probably be just right for the Billyhank. And, shit, a road bike's better transport that a trail or mountain bike anyway (for those of you unaware of terminology, a road bike is a lightweight bike with no suspension and very thin tires [think old school ten-speed with about three times as many gears] and are really only suited for smooth, regular surfaces; trail/mountain bikes have at least a front suspension [and sometimes a rear as well], a heavy-duty frame built to take some abuse and knobbly tires that can get some traction on pretty much any kind of surface. The Diamondback I'm riding right now is a full-suspension job with tires like tank treads and a three-inch front fork. And it looks cool and all, but, shit, it's a lotta bike to haul from Sand Point to Downtown & back everyday.), and I'll finally be fast enough to beat all those jerkass spandex guys on their Dayglo Specializeds. Fuckers.

And then last night we (the Young, Psycho James & myself) went down to the Tractor to see Deadbolt, "The Scariest Band in the World". Great fun drunken times listening to great loud fun roackabilly hotrod surf rock until the last song of Deadbolt's set when James got jumped for no real good goddamned reason and I ended up peeling guys off the pile of bodies on the floor until I got down to the man and spent the next hour keeping one arm around his shoulders and trying to find the Young (who was feeling his drunkenness in a huge way and headed out early; understandable. We started the night at Azteca where we each had, shit, let's see, I had five margaritas [I know, I know. Sometimes I can drink any and everything, sometimes I can't..], I think James matched me, Joe was certainly in there, four or five, then some beers at James place, then many, many beers at Hattie's Hat & beer and shots @ the Tractor (James kept disappearing every ten mintes and coming back with a fresh round)....Good Lord, that was an awful lot of drinking, wasn't it? Suddenly, I don't feel so bad about feeling so shitty today.


Anyway, that's about it. Oh, also, the second band last night, The Octabites, kicked fucking ass. I only mention it 'cause they kicked fucking ass. And their CD is only $5. So, yeah.

All right, Harvey Birdman is on, so I'm out. Have some fun kids and I'll talk to you soon.

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