Sunday, September 26, 2004

New York - The United States Department of Homeland Security is buying a tiny town in the western state of New Mexico to turn it into a lab for terrorism response training, The New York Times reported Sunday.

A small New Mexico engineering school will buy Playas, population 50, from a mining company with $5-million provided by Washington, the report said.

HEY! Goddamned Tom Ridge stole my idea! Fucker...stealing good ideas from poor defenseless bloggers. Big bully.

All right, everyone keep their eyes out; if Ridge says ANYTHING about buying "hoverbikes" to patrol his new town, gimme a holler. Gonna sue the bastard for stepping all over my "cool."

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Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Also, me want:

To quote waymaking:

Hi from Will of New Zealand and as i said you won't believe my next project and here it is the starwars style "hovering jetbike",the most dangerous hunk of junk in the galaxy , this terrifying machine is a real working hoverbike , a true adrenalin rush to ride

And my favorite line:

This machine and trailer is sold as is , no warranty for machine or your life

Currently on eBay, starting bid of $6,000, which seems pretty damned reasonable for a...a...shit, I'm sorry, I have no good metaphor. And even though you'll probably have to bribe every customs official between Australia & L.A. to get the thing into the country, I still think it's a helluva bargain.

And, of course, absolutely perfect for exploring the coast of Kitsault (see below), which would make it a perfect gift for your soon-to-be mayor.

And, hell, my birthday's coming. Go, bid, now.

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Me want, me want, me want:

Kitsault, BC, about 800 klicks north of Vancouver. Why do me want? To quote Yahoo:

The 322-acre ghost town with 2.5 kilometers of waterfront boasts 90 houses and seven apartment buildings with ocean and mountain views, two recreation centers with a pool, a library and a curling rink, a mall with coolers and shopping carts intact, a post office, and even a small hospital equipped with an X-ray machine and operating equipment still wrapped in plastic for storage

Yup, it's a ghost town, abandoned by the mining company that built it to house its workers, and up for sale to the paltry tune of $5.5 million USD.

Which, let's face it, is pretty damned paltry these days. There's probably a few dozen houses worth more than that just across the lake from my apartment. So, really, it would be stupid to not buy the town for such a measly sum, right?


Okay, everybody pony up and we'll have our own joint, in which we will have, natch, our own rules. Or lack thereof. Pretty much everything's legal in Canada, right?

Yeah, cool. Let's go. I call mayor.

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Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Okay, this is a little disgusting. Buttons has been sick for the last couple of days, sneezing, coughing, feverish, etc. Very sad. Poor lil' Buttons. But in the process, she's managed to do this:

My friends, I give you a wastebasket filled to the brim with almost nothing but snot-covered kleenex. (Actually, snot-covered toilet paper; we're not fancy folk).

More than slightly nauseating (sorry, Richie...shoulda put up a warning), and the problem is, how do I get rid of it? I mean, really, would you want to pick up a wastebasket full of sickness-causing microbes and shake 'em up by pouring 'em into a garbage bag?

And, hmm, I have to wonder if all those germs are feeding off each other, breeding, creating strains of supergerms that are gonna get all jostled up when I go to dump the can, come running up my arms, do suicide plunges into eyes/nose/mouth, infest my delicate insides, breed in great multitudes, create fever, mucous, cold sores, pus, puke, the turboshits, before spilling out of my assorted orifi and spreading like bad rumors, slowly but surely destroying the populace of this polite, quiet town.


Anybody got any ideas? I can hear Buttons blowing fresh snot, even from here...

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And now, just for the sheer...fun of it, I present:

Psycho James as the child of Chuckie & Bride of Chuckie. That's actually pretty appropriate. And he was very excited to pose for the pic. As I'm sure you can see.


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Ah, Elvis. The venerable Mr. Costello has posted an anti-anti-piracy rant on his new CD. Check it out here. Y'know, it occasionally seems that Elvis is entirely more punk rock than all the kids he was being anti-punk-rock against, back in the day.

Yeah, untangle that one and get back to me, dissenters.

(Thanks to BoingBoing for this one)

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Jr. spent some time throwing words at the UN today. Here're a few of my fave excerpts (Full text is here, so you can see what I'm taking out of context). MikE!, this is a long one, but pay attention. There's some good snide commentary in here:

We know that free peoples embrace progress in life instead of becoming the recruits for murderous ideologies.

Like "spreading democracy in the Middle East," right? Over 1,000 dead U.S. soldiers in Iraq, who died in the killing of thousands of Iraqis. To be sure, the U.S. troops were only shooting back...but only after they shot first.

This month in Beslan, we saw once again how the terrorists measure their success: in the death of the innocent and in the pain of grieving families. Svetlana Dzebisov was held hostage, along with her son and her nephew. Her nephew did not survive. She recently visited the cemetery and saw what she called the little graves. She said, "I understand that there is evil in the world, but what have these little creatures done?"

Not a fucking thing. What do you suppose that all the Chechan kids, oppressed by the Russian army who WON'T LEAVE CHECHNYA, did to deserve a military occupation for the sake of (can you guess?) an oil pipeline? Terrorists are awful, vile, despicable people, but they started off as normal folks who'd had enough and started to fight back with the limited weapons at their disposal. Which is to say, nobody blows themselves up on a crowded sidewalk as their FIRST resort.

Btw, all you FIGHT CLUB fans who hate terrorists? What the FUCK do you think the Space Monkeys were?

We're determined to destroy terror networks wherever they operate...

When we're not creating them in, say, Iraq.

...and the United States is grateful to every nation that is helping to seize terrorist assets, track down their operatives, and disrupt their plans.

Pet peeve here, but the rest of the world has been fighting terrorism for a loooooooong time. The U.S. is Johnny-Come-Lately to this one, but our government seems intent on presenting the idea that the rest of the world is just sitting on its collective ass, waiting around to help big 'ol 'Murrica leap into action. We've got such a damned ego. Just kills me.

Defending our ideals is vital, but it is not enough.

"Enough" appears to be to squash some of those ideals in favor of replacing them with the values of the conservative Right.

Because we believe in human dignity, America and many nations have joined together to confront the evil of trafficking in human beings.

We still, however, are cool with giving tax breaks to multinational corporations who pay workers in underdeveloped countries slave wages so that we can buy DVD players with pocket change and Levi's that cost less than a pizza.

Because we believe in human dignity, we should take seriously the protection of life from exploitation under any pretext.

Unless, of course, there's an unjustified war to be fought. That most of the world protested. That can't, apparently, be won until thousands and thousands more poeple die. That's still cool.

I...urge all governments to affirm a basic ethical principle: no human life should ever be produced or destroyed for the benefit of another.

Excuse me for a moment, please. My bullshit detector just exploded.

...America and many nations have acted to lift the crushing burden of debt that limits the growth of developing economies and holds millions of people in poverty.

Somehow, this apparently wasn't a good idea for our own country.

No other system of government has done more to protect minorities, to secure the rights of labor, to raise the status of women, or to channel human energy to the pursuits of peace.

He's speaking, in general, of democracy. Notice how he doesn't specifically mention the U.S. or, more specifically, his own administration. Too easy a target for the Left, I figure.

As members of the United Nations, we all have a stake in the success of the world's newest democracies. [Iraq and Afghanistan]

Is a country actually a democracy when it's run by a puppet government, warlords are the only rule in many places, and any attempt at registering a vote results in massive bloodletting? Not to say that at some point Iraq, et al, won't necessarily become psuedo-Western-style democracies, but they aren't there yet, Jr., and just saying it's so isn't going to change that.

The U.N. and its member nations must respond to Prime Minister Allawi's requests and do more to help build an Iraq that is secure, democratic, federal and free.

Um...didn't they want to come in waaaay back before the "coalition of the willing" gave Iraq its "freedom" and got told to go fuck themselves? C'mon, who the hell's waffling now?

So a terrorist group associated with al Qaeda is now one of the main groups killing the innocent in Iraq today...

See? SEE!??! I TOLD you that Saddam Hussein bombed the World Trade Center!!!!

These two nation will be a model for the broader Middle East, a region where millions have been denied basic human rights and simple justice.

A region that has helped to make my family and the families of friends very wealthy, while busily denying basic human rights and simple justice.

This commitment to democratic reform is essential to resolving the Arab-Israeli conflict. Peace will not be achieved by Palestinian rulers who intimidate opposition, tolerate corruption, and maintain ties to terrorist groups. The long-suffering Palestinian people deserve better. They deserve true leaders, capable of creating and governing a free and peaceful Palestinian state.

If I'm reading this right, Jr. is putting the blame on the Palestinians lamentable situation on...the Palestinians. As opposed to the people who're killing them, taking their land, and walling them off from their jobs & ancestral farms. And that would be who? Jr's pals, the Israelis. Interesting how he doesn't mention them as having anything to do with the situation, huh?

Boy, won't that just make the Middle East SO eager to get on Jr's good side?

May God bless you.

Dude, seriously, do you even begin to understand how many people you just offended?

Once again, for real, Jr. has delivered a speech full of noble language, full of idealism, full of promise and hope, all the while pretending that he hasn't done the things he's done over the last four years. And, astoundingly, it's better than even money that he'll get the big chair again in November.

Goddamn. We really are stupid fucking people, y'know?

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Sunday, September 12, 2004


Elephant polo. With transvestites:

Just in case your sunday was a bit too boring.


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Monday, September 06, 2004

Just when you thought conspicuous consumerism was done with:

The iPod goes for $300-$400. The holder (that kinda ugly, clunky gray thing in which the iPod pictured above is resting) goes for $149. Exclusive from 'The Smoking Man Collection' (that's that little logo embossed in the front corner there), not only does the iPod holder y'know, hold your iPod, it also "ships in high-quality wood and textile packaging", just to make sure that it's properly stored for its inclusion in your estate.

Also available from this collection: a $75 card holder, a $120 12-slot CD holder, and a $90 pen plate, which is, of course, a flat hunk of aluminum which "is meant to display and store your most prized writing instruments." By which I'm assuming they do not mean your collection of Sharpies and two-dollar .01 drafting markers.

Y'know, Buttons says I'm about the sourest person she knows. With this kind of crap choking the good taste out of the planet, how could I not be?

Probably it for the night. Have a fun Tuesday, y'all.

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And since the day of the word appears to be TRON, here's a kinda fun light-cycle game. Frustrating, 'cause there seems to be a distinct "personality" to each of the computer-controlled bikes and they keep kicking my ass, but, again, that's kinda consistent with the movie, isn't it?

Make with the clicky, y'all.

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If you loved me, you'd buy this for me:

Up around $900 on eBay, but there's another for just around $500. Seriously, if you all wanna gang up and chip in on this one for like my birthday or something, you'd all be welcome @ my place for beers whenever you want. For real.

And I've already got a spot picked out for it.

And, y'know, it would drive Buttons out of her fucking mind. And that, really, is worth it right there...

Sorry that it's been a while. How's everyone doing?

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