Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Ah...Jr. starts chattering and sarcasm descends upon the technolitterati. Here's a couple of good ones:

The Onion:

And an excerpt from Corporate Motherfucker:

...So, to make the messages more clearer, we are here presenting a guide explaining President Bush's policies to the pubic-at-large.

"Defense of Marriage": Marriage is a beautiful thing between a man and a woman. Unfortunately, many womens are having their babies out of wedlock, and the babies are being adopted by QUEERS. To defend the marriages and keep the babys away from the gays, our President is proposing encouraging them to get married to the fathers of their babies. (Just one of the fathers, though.) They should stay married even if the father beats her and is drunk all the time and gives her AIDS, since children need a father. Also, one of the faith-based programs can help them find Jesus, and Jesus can stop the drinking. Not the AIDS, though, since AIDS is a GAY DISEASE and Jesus HATES GAYS.

"Faith-based": The purpose of the government is not to help the poor stupid peoples who don't have jobs. The purpose of the government is to help the ECONOMY. So, the people should go to the churches for help! Jesus loves you, but the government's job is to kill terrorist Iraqis and get their oil!

And so on and so forth. All in good fun, when a grinning monkey lies to the nation, swallows his own bullshit whole and calls out for an end to free thought, any lifestyle that falls outside the boundaries of "traditional" and warns Congress that there isn't enough money to chase "terrorists" AND run the US as though its citizens deserved a fair share of their tax money, so be prepared to start cutting all the nonessential shit, like Medicare, Welfare, Education ('cause with the No Child Left Behind program, you don't have to fuck around and figure out new ways of teaching; now there's a test, so as long as the kids pass that they're smart and don't have to be taught anything else, like history and art and anything that isn't reading & 'rithmatic, 'cause that's all you need for the "new, hi-tech jobs of the future) and anything else that doesn't put a gun in the hand of a cop or dollars in the bank account of a church.

Seriously, I need a big fat rifle, a scope the size of an oatmeal canister and at least two bullets, just in case my hand shakes on the first shot.

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