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Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Couple items of Billyhank-style movie news today. First off, this:



Which is, apparently, the design of the Batmobile to be used in the forthcoming BATMAN BEGINS. Which is worrisome 'cause A.) that's the Batmobile that should be used in an adaptation of THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS, not in a retelling of the origin story & B.) 'cause those Warners fuckers haven't managed to turn out a decent Batman movie yet and they've had, what, fifteen, twenty tries?

This worries me because, simply, Batman deserves better. There, I said it. I'm a funnybook nerd, I wore a Bat-Signal t-shirt every day of senior year in high school, camped outside the local multiplex when the original shitty movie came out and more than once wished I was a gymnastic 12-year-old with somewhat frail parents (And yes, the last is slightly more worrisome than the rest, on a much deeper level). But all the sniggers and jokes aside, Batman is just about the pinnacle of what a superhero comic should be all about. He's smart and strong and fast and brutal and, most importantly, all too entirely human. He's always represented the peak of what all the fat kids and nerd kids and social outcast kids hoped they would someday blossom into, and it saddens me that he's been whored out to give $10 blowjobs to fill the DC/Warner Bros. corporate coffers.

Poor fucker.

And then, I ran across this one on BoingBoing:

Keanu Reeves will star in A Scanner Darkly, based on a Philip K. Dick novel, for Warner Independent Pictures, Variety reported. Richard Linklater (School of Rock) is in talks to direct, the trade paper reported. George Clooney and Steven Soderbergh's Section 8 will produce.

A Scanner Darkly will employ the same technology Linklater used in Waking Life: It will be shot live-action, then animated, the trade paper reported.

The story takes place in the future, where undercover agents change their faces along with their identities. Reeves plays one such officer, and his liberal ingestion of the drug Substance D causes him to develop a split personality, the trade paper reported.


And THAT, my young friends, may just break my heart. A SCANNER DARKLY is somewhere in the top three of my favorite PKD novels, strange and sad and accesible and head-provoking, and there's not a chance in fuck that Mr. Reeves will be able to bring the necessary grace and passion to the role of Officer Fred/Bob Arctor. Hey, anybody out there who happens to know Keanu...any chance you could convince him to step off a cliff a day or two before principle photography begins?

Really?

Hey, thanks.

Talk to you later, kiddos.

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