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Thursday, June 12, 2003

Talking politics and suchlike with Dad, and have had some fun, but have made no real progress in figuring shit out. The Ketel One has landed well this evening, and I feel like O2 depravation and joy and that's all well and good, but it doesn't solve the problem of Jr., or the fact that my country has gone out of its way to attempt to rearrange global politics to suit its own needs. But...

Shit. Blogger's STILL not grabbing the file I want. Never fucking mind.

I love you all, and I wish you were more worth loving. I wish that if the aliens offered to take me away, I'd have more of a reason to resist it. I with that punching myself in the head had some kind of cathartic effect. I wish that having these muscles could change more of my world. I wish that I could tell off Jr and Tom Delay and random conservatives on the street. I wisht that I didn't have to retype so much of this. I wish that I had the power that I dream that I have. I wish I had the words and the charisma and the strength to be more than just one more fucking whiner in cyberspace.

I hope that I will, someday, become all the things that I desire to become, that I someday be the person that I wish was staring back in the mirror. That someday I will affect more than my own life. That someday I will be the superhero, the idol of millions, the man that I can respect.

I have no desire to be like Mike, but I hope that someday I can think more of myself than just about anything else.

Goddammit. I miss Buttons. And A. And simpler times.

I need booze. I'll write more later.


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